yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
