she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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