puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are all done wearing pants today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
