i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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