Say something about gay babies.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
