I am midnight drunk by noon
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
