alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
