you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
