so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize