Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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