You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I touched a dick in church today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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