Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize