i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize