I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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