Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
