i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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