We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
