tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize