Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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