Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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