i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
