Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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