Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize