I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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