Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
