i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
