It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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