i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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