I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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