i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize