I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
