I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
