Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jerry, you need to find god
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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