There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
please come you make the beer taste better
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
