why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
