So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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