He is an equal opportunity slut.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
