The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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