My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
