I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
