Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
