I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
