I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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