hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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