Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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