Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
