I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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