I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
