So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
