It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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