I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
