Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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