I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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