So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
