she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize