We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
