remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
