guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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