her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
