We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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