Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
please don't ironically join a cult
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize