So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
