I just made out with a guy for $7.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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