I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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