Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
