Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
