The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
