You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
