i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize