I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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