Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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