Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
