I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
