You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
