i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
