We won't sleep together?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
