Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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