i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
