Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize