it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize