I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
