made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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