is your mom at the bar?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
