i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
