I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
