I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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