Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
