i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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