You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
