Where did you get a picture of my penis
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
