she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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