Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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