i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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