I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
