I faked an abortion last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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