Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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