It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
