Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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